Long time, no blog. Wow. What a crazy few months that no one in particular has missed. Let’s review what’s happened to Tinkerbell Jayne in these recent dark times:

• I got Chober© – went 46 days straight without a drop, or should I say crumb
• I fell off the wagon on Day 47 – Easter Sunday – and binged on an assortment of very high calorie chocolate treats for approximately 12 hours
• I aged an entire a year, not just a week or two, an entire year. One day I was 23, and then the next day – Poof – I was 24. Unfair
• I got dumped by the boyfriend. By text. Unfair
• The old housemates flew the nest, and I auditioned two new strangers to take their place, much like Big Brother. Unfortunately the wardrobe that holds the gateway to Narnia is still present in my living room, but this is soon to be removed. Hopefully chopped up into a thousand pieces by the means of a big fat sharp axe.
• Erm . . . I got dumped. By text.
• Bumped into ex-supermodel/American reality TV star/I’m A Celebrity Get Me Outta Here runner-up Janice Dickinson and shared a delightful conversation and snog with her
• Hmmm – did I mention I got dumped?
• . . .by text?
• I got my hair cut, at some point, but then it grew again.

I promise not to be such a lazy blogger from now on

As I sit here and eat my Strawberry Swirl Cheesecake (it’s like eating lip balm – eugh!), I wonder to myself if there are others like me out there; other chober people, suffering in silence as they struggle to cope with their milky chocolate cravings. For all I know their could be a million other Chobers out their right now with tears in their eyes as they eat their lip balm textured Strawberry Swirl Cheesecake.

Why are we suffering in silence?? I think we should create Chocanonymous. A place where people can go who want to sort their lives out and get chobered up. A place where Chocaholics can converse with other Chocaholics, and they can help each out. You could share your worst moments with Chocolate, or your best – whatever helps you get yourself Chober.

It’s an extremely difficult thing to admit to your friends, family, work colleauges or even your boss that your a chocaholic. Why? Because everybody thinks they are a Chocaholic. Everyone loves chocolate, I don’t know one person who doesn’t. And everyone likes to indulge, or spoil themselves, or go OTT every now and then. But there are some people out there, some people like me, who know what it’s like to suffer as Chocolate takes over your life. . .

Whilst all your housemates are cooking stir fry, or a curry, or even a nice chicken pasta, youre unwrapping your third Wispa Gold of the evening. You wake in the morning for Breakfast, some people are having eggs, some are munching on cereal, some are even spreading jam on their classic continental pastrys, but not you, your reaching for a Creme Egg from your multi-pack. When dining out for a meal, you politely order your drink and a starter, secretly praying they have a desert menu, and counting down the minutes till you can order that Chocolate Sundae. You cry at the counter of McDonalds when they tell you their Milkshake Machine is out of order, and then you quickly remember there is an Argos over the road where you can buy a Blender and make your own Chocolate Milkshake at home using a pint of milk and a Galaxy bar- it won’t be as good but it will do the trick. In public, you actually say No to people who offer you a chocolate from their box of Roses, or a minstrel from their packet, in fear that just one won’t be enough and the Chocolate Monster inside you will break free and scoff their Chocolate snack like a Lion would scoff a zebra!


Yes, Chocanonymous should definitely happen.