IMPOSTER BLOGGER: Can you stay friends with an Ex?

This is not Tinkerbell Jayne.

It is an imposter; someone who has hacked in to her blog in order to disgrace her name by talking about lesbian themed topics of shame and despair.

Either that, or, this is a good a good friend of TJ’s who was invited to guest blog on her site.

Whichever you decide to believe, I’d like to think I’m the former – for the thrill.

Anyway, back to the topic in hand … A; a girl who was the source of my infatuation. Like all good stories there is a villain, A, and the victim, me. Obviously I am bias being the author but whatever.

It was a semi-drunken night and I met a girl, she was my type, pretty with a slight butch appeal, she had defined cheek bones and short blonde hair. I was all over her like salty butter to a Jacob’s cracker; the flirting went well and we ended up making out and swapping numbers.

We dated and it was fine, we liked each other but it was casual and nothing serious, and the sex was good. But then a month down the line, I started to think, maybe this could go somewhere? And by that point the sex was so hot we could have turned a line up of asexual men/women to sex addiction.

Anyway, she started messing around with other people, and dumped me over a note. Although she said we weren’t even going out so it didn’t class as being dumped… I was heartbroken (or that emotion you feel when you’re rejected by someone that you’re lustfully infatuated with).

I told my friends, I obviously coloured a picture similar to me being the innocent villager who was devoured and spat out by the evil troll, and as good friends do, they comforted me, told me that I am much better without her and that she is a massive ho.

A and I stayed friends, but I always found myself being completely sexually attracted to her and unable to control myself around her. So on many occasion when we did see each other, we nearly always ended up slipping back in to each other. Which always left a bitter taste in my mouth as she was so evidently not interested in me, other than as a friend/ FB. I on the other hand would pine for attention like a crazed stalker.

I’ve spoken with many people who have had someone and lost them, and then perpetually tormented them self. Is this normal? Yes it is. It’s the classic rule of wanting something you don’t have. I am very much a sucker for the chase and the want for something that appears unobtainable. Am I some sort of masochist I ask myself?  (This is hypothetical so you don’t have to answer this)

What I found most annoying was that she was very nice and we got along very well. Not once did she lead me on under false pretence and she always outlined how she felt on the matter. I couldn’t make her in to a villain even though I so desperately wanted to. The thing was I wanted to be friends with no strings attached, and to put all the sex behind us. This brings me on to the question of whether you can you stay friends with an ex? I think the answer is maybe.

Maybe.

If:

1.       You don’t find each other attractive anymore

2.       You don’t still have strong emotional connections to the other person

3.       You don’t feel jealous when you see them happy with their new partner

4.       You don’t still reminisce on times gone by and wish it could have been different

5.       You don’t secretly hate them

6.       You decide to have sex with them, realise half way through that you don’t like this person in that way, and you feel disgusted afterwards

The last one was thrown in for effect, however I do believe that you can still be friends with an ex and past conquests as long as the first five top aforementioned points are true to each person.

Although, I’ve come to realise that there are just some people who you can’t get over no matter how much time has lapsed, not because you want to be with them – it just means that the line will always be blurred.

My advice is: don’t beat yourself up over it, just admit that you guys shouldn’t be friends and get on with life.

The end.

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