So, it’s official! I’ve waved farewell to Tink Jayne, I’ve shed my skin, re-birthed, rebranded, matured, whatever you want to call it (although matured probably isn’t the right word seeing as I still laugh at strangers when they fall over in the street). No, that’s it, no more Tink Jayne, I am now me – Hannah!
(….ahem, with added Banana, because a) I love banana flavoured things, but mainly because b) my work colleague called me Hannah-Banana and I love how it sounded in her Northern Irish accent)
Anywho, let’s talk about why I’m ditching the name I’ve carried for so long. My middle name is Jane (funny fact, no Y) and Tink – short for Tinkerbell, obvs – is a nickname I’ve had since I was 18. I’m now 31. And trust me when I say, 31 year old me is a totally different person to 18 year old me. Chalk and Cheese. I look back at my younger self and I really don’t like who I was. I don’t even think I liked myself very much back then. That’s why I loved having that nickname, Tink, because I was so desperate to be someone else, someone cool, someone really unique. People would ask my name and I’d be all “oh I’m Tink” and I’d feel interesting and cool and mysterious *shakes head*
These days I never introduce myself as Tink, even at blog and press events when I’d technically be on the list as Tink Jayne, it just got complicated, annoying and above all, embarrassing.
So your blog is called Tink Jayne?
But your name is Hannah?
So, wait, I’m confused, where does the Tink part come into it?
Cue an embarrassing ramble where I have to explain that Tink is short for tinkerbell (cringe!) which was a nickname I got when I was younger for reasons 1, 2 and 3, and before I’m even half way through my story I can read the regret on their face, wishing they hadn’t bothered asking. Or worse was telling people my twitter and IG handles.
TinkerbellJayne? It’s sounds like a MySpace page from 2004
Yes, yes it does, thanks for pointing that out.
So why didn’t I just change it the second I began to dislike it?
I think I was scared. For so long I had been Tink Jayne online. I feared changing it – I was worried I’d lose followers, lose backlinks, that no one would know who I was, that it wouldn’t work out.
But whilst analysing my blog recently, in fact I was analysing the blogosphere as a whole, I actually considered quitting. Quitting it all. For a number of reasons, a main one being that I have a brand new full time job now, a job I love but it’s a job that takes up a lot of my time.
But there were other reasons, reasons that were getting me down – Ever felt left out from the blogging community? *raises hand* Its probably my own fault. I don’t always have time for Twitter chats. I don’t always feel confident enough to go to meet-ups. And sometimes turning up to an event where everyone already knows each other, can only make me feel more excluded from the community. So that kinda sucks. I also just felt a bit detached from my blog. Whilst I 100% love the kind of content I write now, I didn’t feel proud of my previous work. Ever looked back at old blog posts and thought ‘Did I really write that?’ *raises hand* Yup, me too. In fact pretty much every single post I wrote in 2011 and 2012 are to me, complete and utter bollocks.
I basically felt embarrassed by huge chunks of my blog. I felt like the girl that started this blog at 24 years old was no longer around. In fact, I felt like the girl who was writing this blog this time last year was no longer around.
I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the past 12 months after my little meltdown last year and I’ve come to discover that I’m not who I thought I was.
I am not cool. I am not in anyway stylish. I’m not ahead of the times. I’m not popular. I’m not someone people like straight away and I’m certainly not a leader. I’m not ‘in-the-know’ when it comes to food or travel trends. I’m not niche, I’m not the best writer, I’m not the best photographer, I’m not business savvy or even that blog savvy.
I’m not Tink.
I’m not Jayne.
Because I’m Hannah.
And who is Hannah?
I’m self-conscious. I’m anxious. I’m a daydreamer. I’m a follower, a sheep. I’m friendly (I am, I promise). I’m competitive. I’m awkward. I’m moody. I’m lonely. I’m funny (or so I think). I’m indecisive. I’m lazy. I’m a runner (yes you can be both). I’m a writer, not the best, but I always have been and always will be a writer. I’m someone that loves avocado and spinach and someone who also loves McDonalds cheeseburgers. I’m someone who works full time in the craft beer and keg industry, and on that note I’m now someone who enjoys craft beers! I’m a girl who is much more comfortable in her trainers, but I’m also a girl that loves to rock a red lipstick from time to time and put on a pair of heels. I’m someone who runs 5K and then eats rocky roads afterwards.
I’m 31. I’m a size 12. I’m single. I’m happy. I’m me. I’m Hannah.
So many things have happened in my life over the past year, big things, like breaking up with my Fiance, travelling solo through South America and running my first marathon, and little things, like trapping a spider in a glass all on my own and putting it outside. But each thing, big and small, has clearly had some kind of impact on my life, each allowing me to be who I want to be, to be my true self, and allowed me to see what is important in life – like eating food instead of photographing it, enjoying a night out without Snapchat, real-life conversations, real-life everything, long walks, big hikes, running, running and more running, but above all family. I’ve realised that my family are my everything and they should always be my no.1 priority, not whether or not I have a K next to my twitter count, or punishing myself for not posting a blog post on a Tuesday. Over the past year I’ve somehow completely naturally stopped giving fucks about things that I genuinely used to lose sleep over, such as Instagram likes & blog stats. And that is why I wanted to change my blog. I just want to be me – Hannah!
I’ve ditched my @tinkerbelljayne handles, swapping them for @hannahbananablog (instagram) and @HannahBananaBL (twitter) and do you know what? It wasn’t scary at all! If I lose followers or people don’t like it, so be it, bye bye.
I still take pictures of my coffee, use the maximum amounts of hashtags on Instagram and apply filters more unrealistic than those on Made in Chelsea. I still prefer reading blogs to magazines and I still dream of having an Instagram Husband. I still plan to blog whenever I want and write about whatever I want. I still plan to do silly IG stories and pretty flatlays. I still plan to do all these things. But these days I’m more focused on me, my personal life and life in real time, in the real world.
I won’t be quitting blogging, because I need a creative outlet, I need to write, I basically need to talk to you guys (or I start to go a little crazy) but I’ll be doing it as me, 100% me, Hannah B! And as for my old content, the posts I’m not too proud of, as much as I would love to hit delete on them, I also know deep down that they’re part of my blogs history. And you can’t erase history, can you?