Rumour has it there is a third Sex and the City movie happening, and I think this is a very bad idea. Sorry Ladies!
Don’t get me wrong, if it’s happening I’ll be watching it, but I’m concerned for the shows legacy and the characters endings. Whilst the original Sex and the City movie was all well and good (well, sort of, I mean I’m not sure what kind of message it sends out to millions of women that going back to the man who left you at the alter having spent a decade already playing tug-of-war with your heart, is better than being alone, but hey ho true love conquers all right?) but the writers and producers made a bit of a cock up with the second movie so what kind of mess will they produce if they make a third? (Again, sorry Ladies)
Instead, why don’t they remake the Sex and the City TV series? A newer version set in modern day? It’s not like the dating game has gotten any easier – surely a modern day Carrie Bradshaw could tackle Tinder, swipe right for Mr Right and explain to the girls what ‘Ghosting’ is? In fact I’ve already got a pretty good picture painted of exactly what the hit show would look like if it graced our TV screens today…
Carrie would be a Successful Blogger
No writer would be living in an apartment like Carries and have her picture on the side of a bus just from writing one weekly column. For Carrie to have the status she does in the 90’s show, she would have to be a successful Sex & Relationships Blogger, with plenty of blogger awards under her belt and a big fat K next to her follower count on Twitter. We might actually see her do some work in this series!
One of them would be a Lesbian
I like the idea of Charlotte being the Lesbian. A girl desperate for love, on the hunt for the perfect wife to move into her perfect fifth avenue apartment, so they could be the perfect power Lesbian couple. Instead she would meet Barb, a bald lady, with tattoo’s and piercings, who eats with her mouth full and doesn’t shave her legs. And Charlotte, despite trying hard to resist, will fall madly inlove with her.
Carrie wouldn’t be a smoker
Because where in Gods name is she gonna smoke? This is 2017, smoking areas don’t exist anymore.
Her SSB would be Instagram
Old Carrie’s Secret Single Behaviour was eating stacks of saltines in her kitchen, standing up, whilst reading vogue. 2017 Carries Secret Single Behaviour will be eating stacks of saltines in her kitchen, standing up, whilst scrolling through her favourite Fashion IG accounts.
Phone calls would be Whatsapp conversations (because does anyone even have a landline anymore?)
There would be no late night phone calls between Carrie and Miranda discussing why Miranda’s date never showed up. Instead the girls would have a group whatsapp discussion going on, with all kinds of emoji’s flying around (broken heart, aubergines, laughing face).
All first dates would take place in a public place
In the Modern day Sex and the City, Miranda would have been stood up in public and not at her home, because in 2017, no-one meets a stranger in a queue for coffee and immediately gives out their home address telling them they will be ‘home alone on Saturday night so pick me up at 7.’
In fact all meetings of any kind would be pre-organised, no casual drop-ins
Back in 1999 it was totally normal to just turn up at someone’s apartment, un-announced, sometimes carrying a bag of fries ready to chuck at a wall. Not today. All social interactions with friends or lovers are always pre-arranged via phone, text or social media. In modern day SATC, Carrie turning up to a jet-lagged Big’s apartment, with a McDonalds bag in her hand and a beret on her head would probably prompt a ‘Wtf are you doing here, you crazy McDonalds b*tch?’ response from Big.
Charlotte would have voted Trump
I hate to say it, but come on, she would have.
Edit- 06/01/2016: If Charlotte were Straight she would have voted for trump, however, as a lovely reader pointed out, Lesbian Charlotte wouldn’t have!
She’d also be signed up to every premium dating website going
For fear of receiving dick pics from disgusting, time-wasting men (or pussy pics if we’re going with the Lesbian thing) Charlotte will happily pay sky high membership fees to be part of the exclusive and elite online dating scene (she wouldn’t be able to handle Plenty of Fish).
Samantha will be swiping right
Probably on a daily basis too, morning, noon and night.
Carrie would take better care of her finances
2003 Carrie was living in a dream world thinking she could spend $40,000 on shoes on the salary of a weekly columnist and everything would be all fine and dandy in the end. Modern Day Carrie would have her sh*t together – she’d have a Credit Score account and save money by scouring net-a-porter.com for sales, receiving free samples via her blog, and hunting down second hand steals on eBay.
In fact Carrie would be the queen of eBay
Whilst 1999 Carrie was a technophone and was all about the ‘Shop till ya’ drop’ (“Shopping is my Cardio”) the 2017 Blogger Extraordinaire Carrie would be addicted to eBay. She’ll spend many evenings curled up in her bed on her Rose Gold Mac-book Air, in bidding wars for the perfect vintage items to add to her closet.
Charlotte would be the Queen of Zumba classes
Back then it was a Tap course and African Dance classes (with a begrudged Carrie in tow). In 2017 Charlotte will be at the front of the Zumba classes, not to mention Bikram yoga on Wednesdays.
Samantha would be the Queen of apps
Running her own PR company in 2017 she would need to be a social media expert.
Carrie: *something dramatic about my love life* Samantha: Honey, there’s an app for that
Miranda would be the Queen of Netflix
Stranger Things, OITNB, Making a Murderer – Miranda’s seen em’ all. Her favourite way to relax is to Netflix and chill with nobody but herself and a Chinese takeaway. A woman after my own heart.
Miranda would also be the FitBit Queen
She’ll absolutely love notching up those steps. She’ll win the Workweek hustle every week and no doubt use it to track her heart rate after all the sex she has with Steve.
Yes, Miranda & Steve would STILL happen
Because everyone knows that those two were the REAL stars of the show when it came to true love and romance. The most real, the most beautiful, and the most identifiable relationship of them all. If Sex and the City aired today, I’d love to watch Steve steal Miranda’s heart all over again.
In fact, Miranda could (should!) be the lead
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I would love to see how different Sex and the City would be if Miranda Hobbes were to be the lead character – a woman in her thirties, tackling gender equality issues on a daily basis in her male dominated workplace, whilst also dealing with online dating, self-centred friends who don’t listen to her and a judgemental housekeeper. I personally find Miranda’s storylines, boyfriends and often hilarious sex scenes ten times more interesting than any of the Carrie/Big drama.
Carrie won’t end up with Big
Yes he’s super rich, super smooth and yes, I suppose he does love her – in the end. But modern day Carrie would have more respect for herself than to continuously allow a man to hurt her over and over again, and she would be smart enough to learn from it.
She would meet Aidan online
In a modern day digital fairy tale, Carrie would stumble across Aidans furniture store on etsy.com and order the big beautiful brown chair. Opting for Home delivery at the checkout instead of pick up, Aidan would deliver it personally to her apartment, and the two would meet, instantly feel a connection and they would begin flirting after Carrie cheekily asks for a blogger discount. Aidan would ask her to go for a coffee, using a potential blogger collaboration as an excuse to see her again. For coffee they would meet, and from there they would fall head over heels inlove. He’d strip her floors, fix her ceiling cracks and the rest, as they say, would be History. Awwwwwwww
Sigh. But instead it looks like any future SATC romances we see will be the continuous dramas of the Carrie & Big relationship.
Whilst I obviously love the idea of my favourite four New Yorkers returning to the big screen, they can’t keep doing this to us fans. They can’t keep ending Sex and the City for us, only to several years later surprise us all with ‘Haha, we fooled you – that’s not really how it ends’. I cried at the end of the TV series, I was practically in #SATC mourning for three years. Then it returned in 2008 – Yay – but again I had to deal with it ending all over again, taking in the marriage, the pregnancy, the cheating and Samantha & Smiths break up. Sad face. But I dealt with it.
But then it returned AGAIN!
Do you see how emotional this is for me? And now there is to be a third? So the second movie wasn’t happily ever after for all the girls? I can’t cope. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw:
[All GIFS via GIPHY]