Festival season has kicked off, Woohoo! Tis the season to dust off the wellies, drag the tent out of storage, and stock up on a month’s supply of baby wipes. I love a good festival, it’s the perfect opportunity to enjoy some of my favourite artists and discover new bands, whilst sipping on an ice cold cider and enjoying the company of my friends. Ahhhh Bliss.
But with the good comes the bad, and unfortunately festival season is also the time of year when you have to do your best to put up with following idiots:
The Piss Thrower
No.1 on the list has to go to this idiot. It’s bad enough that we haven’t had a proper wash in three days, but we really didn’t want our first shower to be a golden one from the lad 15 rows back who pissed in his cup and threw it in the air, thus starting a trend that will then continue throughout the rest of the festival. I hate them. I hate them all.
The Early bird
That one idiot that gets too excited on the first night, drinks excessively, parties too hard, ends up vomiting, needs looking after and then spends the next two days in the tent complaining.
These are the mates who come with little or no money because they plan to ‘wing it’ all weekend, but soon realise you can’t take your own booze into the arena and it’s £7 a pint. And so they sponge off everyone and anyone for the whole festival. Nice one guys.
I’m not saying you need to be a music snob, but at least try and be able to name ONE of the acts playing at the festival.
The Fashion Fool
Wow! You look incredible, what an outfit. But yes, you will be cold soon, and no I’m not giving you my hoody. This isn’t Burning Man, we live in England, pack a Cagoule for goodness sake.
The Welly who didn’t bring Wellies
When will they learn???
The out-of-place Mosher
There’s a time and a place to mosh, and the middle of a Paloma Faith set is not that time or place.
The ‘I’ve taken too many drugs’ idiot
The dude whose eyes are rolling, jaw is swerving and who thinks you’re his best friend. He tells you he loves you and won’t stop following you and hugging you, despite the fact that you have repeatedly told him you’re not that bloke from Leeds named Dave and you don’t know what the meaning of life is.
The ‘I’m going to film this entire set’ idiot
I totally get taking some snaps for the IG, Facebook or even just for (if anyone still has them) a photo album! But waving your phone around in the air, trying to record the entire set, not only makes you hated by everyone behind you, but it makes you a fool for missing a great show in real life.
The Borat Guy
There’s always one.
Have I missed an idiot off the list? Let me know what kind of festival-goer drives you bonkers?
[all GIFs via Giphy.com]
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