My Life

The Terrible ‘N’ Word

January 26, 2011

No, not that word, I’m referring to the word ‘Nice’, or rather two words – Nice Guy.

These days, calling a bloke a ‘Nice guy’ can be seen as a bit of an insult, rather than a compliment. Girls want to date the Hot Dude, the Bad Boy or (in my case) the Funny Guy, but apparently no-one wants to date the ‘Nice Guy’.

I’ve sifted through bits and pieces on the internet about these nice blokes; from blogs written by moody men complaining about how nice guys do in fact finish last, to websites created by women advising nice guys to man up, grow a pair, and be more rough around the edges. I even stumbled upon a site called heartless-bitches.com; an outlet for women who don’t put up with sappy men and just say it how it is (strangely, I wanted to become a member, and see if I could fit in with these heartless bitches, but they state very clearly on their home page they don’t like individuals who seek attention by whining in their online journals. Dam it).

A quick Google search (that’s the extent of my research) proved that the internet holds its fair share of really pissed off blokes, who are all speaking out about how cruel the female species are for firstly, moaning about the lack of nice men available, and then secondly, kicking the first one we meet to the curb. But upon evaluating all this material, I found the majority of it to be information on how to get over the “problem”ย of being a nice guy. I read dozens of articles, some comical, most deadly serious, about how it is the mans fault, and that they are doing wrong by being too nice.

Relieved? Or appalled?

Its a relief to know that not everyone out there thinks that a woman is a heartless bitch for dumping a bloke for being too nice, and Yay we get to yet again blame it on the men. But on the other hand, is it a horrifically heartless thing to do, to dump a bloke because his main flaw is that he is too nice to you? Are we heartless bitches?

Across these articles, the words ‘clingy’ and ‘needy’ were very popular, alongside ‘desperate’ and ‘insecure’, and I can easily understand how these traits would put a lot of girls off. But when it comes down to it, dumping nice guys for arrogant arseholes who mess us around – really? Trading the clingy for the ignorant? Swapping the desperate for the uninterested? A lot of people – of both sexes – swear by the rule: Treat em’ mean, keep em’ keen, and yes it does seem to work most of the time, but god I hate that rule! Why would we chose a guy who is mean to us and rejects us, over a guy who desperately wants us, and feels the need to please us constantly. That just seems … f***ing stupid. Yet the running theme throughout my nice guy research (ahem, Google search) was that ultimately, women don’t want an easy win or a desperate guy. Just like most men, women want a challenge.

I’ve recently been dating a nice guy, the nicest guy in fact, and (surprise surprise) it’s not worked out the way I had anticipated BUT, I can’t agree that it’s necessarily to do with the reasons mentioned above. He was neither desperate nor insecure, and he wasn’t a boring guy that I felt I needed to swap for a challenge. My problem was, he literally was too nice to me. Uncomfortably Nice!

Presents, flowers, adorable little notes hidden in my coat pocket, he always called, he was lovely … at not one point did the words clingy, needy, desperate or insecure enter my mind. Because I liked him, and he liked me. And then all of a sudden, I felt very strange. Instead of happy, or smitten – I felt guilty.

Mr Nice Guy had made this huge effort of treating me like a princess, showering me with gifts and even, wait for it, drum roll …. writing a song for me and serenading me with it – albeit that part was actually a bit cringey – but ultimately he hadn’t done anything wrong. But I realised that I hadn’t done anything right, I hadn’t made any effort in return. In fact, from what I can recall I don’t think I even bought him so much as drink. And so I felt guilty – and uncomfortable. I felt like I owed him something. Was he trying to ‘spoil me’ into a relationship? Or just trying to make me feel dependent on him?

Or, was he just being nice?

Well, anyway, needless to say I freaked out, in a typical girly mentalist freak out kind of way (again – surprise, surprise), and so I ended it. Most likely this is me being ungrateful. And no doubt Karma will come back and bite me in the arse for this one! I can already predict the reverse happening to me in the near future.

Maybe I am a heartless bitch – it would be pretty cool to join that club.

x Tink Jayne x

  • Melani

    I think you were a bitch, but not a heartless one. I mean, he did give and do all that lovery dovery stuff but you stated you didnt do much for him. Not really a great way to start things off. But THEN again, he seems to be too good to be true. Men like that wear off I think. They are very sweet in the beginning only to turn into a devil later.

    I think its best to let it go!