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Break up + SmartPhone = Emotional Hell

December 15, 2010

The invention of mobile phones – phenomenal. I often wonder What did we do before mobile phones? And a lot of us believe that in today’s modern world we could’t live without one. They are amazing.

Until you’ve been dumped. And then your mobile phone becomes your number one enemy.

When in you’re a relationship, your phone is that chirpy little device that beeps with joy several times a day to deliver text messages from your chosen one. It’s the tool you use to sometimes say things you couldn’t say face to face, such as “i luv u x”. Maybe your phone has even helped you embrace you’re more adventurous side, with delights such as sexting (I hear it’s quite popular these days), your mobile phone is an important part of your relationship – after all, when two people meet and they fancy each other, surely one of the first things they do is swap numbers.

When you’ve been dumped however, your phone is not so amazing, your phone is the enemy; it becomes your constant reminder that he no longer cares. It’s silent. No Beeps. No Rings. Not one single vibration. And that silence says so much, it says “He doesn’t miss you”

But that’s not the worst part – mobile phones are Lethal Weapons; weapons of self destruction. Because along with the invention of mobile phones, came the invention of Drunk texting.


When the ex doesnt contact you, you tell yourself its fine and that you can live through it. No big deal. But when your drunk at 3am, spluttering and crying, and you miss them; your phone – still empty of any messages  – is practically begging you to contact your ex. Its a phone for goodness sake, it wants to be used, its main job is to be a form of communication; if it could speak it would be saying “Use me, please use me – Push my buttons” And before you know it, you’ve sent a text to the ex.

Or, if you’re like me, and sometimes a drunken text just wont do it, you drunk-dial instead. Yup, regardless of the time, regardless of the fact that you cant even speak properly, you make that decision to make an utter fool of yourself  call him. Sometimes he will answer and you cry down the phone, but most of the time he won’t pick up, because they can guess why your calling. And it’s not to chat about the weather. But don’t fret, you can humiliate yourself even further by leaving a blubbering, sniffly, emotional voicemail, something he can play over and over again to remind himself what a loser he used to date. All this crazy mobile phone behaviour – Not sexy. Not attractive. And certainly not the way to a man’s heart. When you’re going through a break-up, the phone you once loved ends up ruining your life – can mobile phones get any more destructive??

Yes, apparently they can, because some clever arsehole decided to invent smartphones!

Four days before The Cool Guy dumped me, I bought a BlackBerry. I’ve never really been into smartphones, as long as I could text and call on my phone, I wasnt too bothered about any must-have features or applications. The Cool Guy was the opposite; he was obsessed with his fancy phone, his could do just about everything (I hope it breaks!) It was constantly in his hand, he never put it down. Slightly annoying yes, but when I lost my brick phone one evening, and needed a replacement, I decided that I would try and be on his level and I so bought myself a brand new CrackBerry. I told the guy in the shop I wanted the works, internet, Facebook, Twitter, everything my boyfriend had, and so this nice young fella arranged it all for me.

The first thing I did when it was up and running was download Foursquare, or as I like to call it, StalkSquare, an application that lets you check in anywhere in the world so that people can track your every move and you can track theirs. The Cool Guy was particularly into this application. He checked in everywhere he possibly could so that everyone could see where he was and so that he could collect badges and points (I’m starting to realise that maybe The Cool Guy was not such an appropriate name to give this person, maybe I should have gone with Phone Boy or Geek).

My first three days with the CrackBerry where great, I was getting into the whole smartphone thing, especially StalkSquare. Soon I was checking in anywhere I possibly could from my favourite bars and pubs, to completely uninteresting and pointless places like train stations, and even my own flat (no, seriously). I thought The Cool Guy would be really impressed, and I couldnt wait to show him my new smartphone.

On the fourth day with my CrackBerry, I was dumped by The Cool Guy. And this is when I realised that Break up + Smart Phone = Emotional Hell.

I wouldnt have thought this at the time, but the upside of having a brick average mobile phone, is that when your ex isnt calling, or isnt replying to any of your messages, you have the luxury to decide why. You can tell yourself its because he is asleep, or maybe the phone is dead, or maybe he has caught a terrible life-threatening disease which has left him bed bound and unable to use his thumbs (anythings better than admitting he just doesnt care). You can literally chose from one of the hundreds of excuses you’ve stored in your head as to why he is ignoring you.

With a smartphone you don’t have such a luxury; instead, no matter where you are or what you’re doing, your phone has the the ability to find out exactly where he is and what he is doing. All you have to do is go onto the StalkSquare app on your smartphone, and with the push of a button, you can see where he is.

Your heart sinks :(

He is not bed bound, he is not asleep, and his phone is not turned off, because StalkSquare is showing that just ten minutes ago he checked into a bar. He’s too busy out on the town having a great time without you to bother replying to your tex messages.

So, that would be a good time to turn you’re phone off and lock it in a drawer somewhere for a while. Wouldnt it? No, of course not, because for some reason us females seem to enjoy torturing ourselves. So we check his twitter, we check his facebook, we look at his photos; we basically drive ourselves crazy analysing every tiny detail of his online life:

The_Cool_Guy is hungry  but what does this mean?? I need to know!

The_Cool_Guy is hanging out with friends Who is she?? I knew he was seeing someone else!! TRAMP

The_Cool_Guy is tired – Why is he so tired eh? What’s he been doing? Or rather, who has been doing??

The words Sad, Pathetic and Stalker, spring to mind. And as much as I hate to admit it, when it comes to break-ups I don’t handle them all that well, and I have been that Sad, Pathetic Stalker many many times in the past. I’ve been the girl who used Google translator at 4am on a Tuesday morning to translate something a Spanish girl wrote on my ex-boyfriends facebook wall, and then rang that ex-boyfriend and left him voicemails that sounded like what can only be described as big fat whales communicating under water.

BUT. Not this time!

Okay, so I’ll admit, for the first few days of the break-up I was constantly checking his twitter and his facebook, and seeing where he’d checked in. But I realised I was only causing myself more emotional drama. He wasn’t going to change his mind, and even if he was, he wasn’t going to channel it through Twitter. The only thing I would get out of Smartphone Stalking him, is upset. And wheres the fun in that?

I had two choices – I could continue to keep looking, keep reading, keep stalking and make myself miserable through no fault of my own. Or I could Delete.

I chose to delete. I deleted him off Facebook, Twitter and StalkSquare so that there was no way of me knowing where the hell he was, what he was doing or who he was doing it with. And I was so proud of myself for being strong and doing so. Sometimes I would get anxious, wondering what he was doing, and at times I even regretted blocking him on StalkSquare as it would have been a useful tool to help avoid running into him. But Blocking/Deleting him was definitely the right choice, and I advise anyone else going through a break-up/smartphone situation to do the same. After a few weeks I realised I couldn’t give a toss where he was, what he was doing, or who he was with ;)

Tink Jayne x

(Blog Post dedicated to my female work colleauges, for putting up with me, and for sharing their break-up stories with me)

(… and for confiscating the CrackBerry off me when I was at my lowest)

  • Patrick

    Very funny in a satirical sense. Obviously written from a female perspective, but still balanced and very knowing.
    A wonderfull insight into the other side of the story!

  • I love it!

    When I started reading I didn’t know what to expect as sometime these things can be very one-sided, but it was really witty (I laughed out loud a few times) and it was a very honest account of break-ups, and how the phone IS the enemy.

  • I chucked a Nokia at a wall once, so hard it smashed to pieces, I was waiting for him to call, it was never gonna happen (of course, I couldn’t bring myself to realise that at the time). It was all the phones fault, and back then they weren’t even ‘smart’!

  • Tinkerbell Jayne

    Thanks for the comments guys.
    Yes, we all do crazy things when we go through break ups – but smashing a phone to actual pieces Beckie? I’m impressed. Better to smash the phone to pieces than call him.

  • Jim

    This made me chuckle several times! Nice story Tink and great tech vs emotion lessons to be learned! Keep up the great writing. :)

  • Tinkerbell Jayne

    Thanks Jim! Glad you liked it
    New post coming soon :)